So it happened. Or rather, it finished. Tonight the last strained thread snapped and I watch as the heavy veil fell and reality set in.
This had been coming for years, and I knew that. A constant, nagging thought in the posterior regions of my brain grew like a tumor..becoming increasingly unbearable until confrontation was inevitable. My heart was not ready for what my eyes had to see; for what my mouth had to say; and worst of all what my ears had to hear. Oh the words….the damned, awful, evil, tortuous words. I would rather have been stricken deaf and blissful than blessed and devastated.
Tonight I lost my family. Tonight I became alone.
And even though I am typing these words, I cannot believe what I am writing. How can I? Rational thought governs belief, and this is not rational. For years I thought my heart was stone, yet now I know it was only glass. Not only my heart, but my reality shattered as a brittle pain of glass.
And the worst part–the absolute worst moment of it all was when I realized it was a choice. I could have embraced this new reality and continued as though the veil were still hanging. I could have kept the guise, furthered the ruse, continued the lie…I could have…but I couldn’t piece together the pieces of glass. I could never convince myself that this was real anymore. Nor could I convince myself that this was who I was anymore.
So I am throwing the pieces way. Tonight I became alone.